legal proprieties are yet recollected. A me d-d first, and so the thing's out, as case was submitted to him, "once on a far as my footin' on it goes, I reckon!" time; but, his decision not satisfying The constable wiped his brow with de one of the parties (very likely to occur, by- termination, the justice began to foresee the-by, even in primitive ages), the case dilemma, and nothing but the "costs. was "continued;" which further step, prevented "the parties," in spite of their according to the rule in justices' courts, attorneys, from flipping up "head or tail' now as then, involves the ceremony and for an issue. expense of a jury. The second trial came on, unfortunately, upon a morning which, for some good cause or other, the whole town had devoted to jubilee and rejoicing—whether it was that a great man was to be "received," or another great man dismissed, it is immaterial; suffice it that guns and drums equally did their duty in calling the citizens away from theirs. Plaintiff and defendant were punctual in their attendance before the justice, anxious to settle their difference-just as anxious to have their share of the showand the officer was despatched to collect a jury; but after a no less anxious search, he was obliged to return without a man, his summons going for nothing in the general excitement. Impatient at the delay, the parties litigant agreed to waive the matter of a jury altogether; to just re-argue the matter and abide by "His Honor's" decision. But His Honor had his own more reverend parade of the law to enjoy, and therefore, with a chief justice air, he declared that inasmuch as the case had been continued, and that the purpose of said continuance was entirely to obtain the sense of a jury, it would be all nonsense to proceed in any less regular way. "Therefore, Mr. Constable," continued the Squire, "you will, by virtue of your authority, summon and compel the presence of a jury forth with.' The constable again set forth, the "bench" relapsed into abstruse cogitation, and the plaintiff and defendant were fain to content themselves with the hope of getting clear "after a while." Wearily went the moments; but at length, the indefatigable officer, bathed in perspiration, returned, having secured one well-known, easy-going citizen, remarkable as being the largest, lovingest, and laziest man about town. "Squire," said the panting official, "I've gotten Bob, 'cause he says it don't make much difference to him; but there isn't nary nother as don't say they'll see At length, the constable made a sug gestion, which the parties eagerly con senting to, the Squire finally sanctioned. This was, that Bob, the lazy gentleman just mentioned, should serve as jury all alone by himself! All was settled at once; the lazy gentleman declared that it "made no difference," and getting a "chew" from the constable, down he sat. The pleadings were despatched; the jury was charged; the approaching procession was heard in the distance, and all parties were only waiting to hear the verdict, when the jury, after one or two indolent hitches in his chair, and a leisurely discharge of tobacco juice from between his teeth, turned to the court, and said— "Well, I reckon, Squire, the jury 'll have to retire." This was unexpected, and had not been altogether the mode, either, in Justice W- -'s court, inasmuch as there was no place for the jury to retire to except within themselves; but the present body was unanimously of opinion that he ought to have a fair shake at the merits of the case, and so the court adjourned to the sidewalk, leaving the jury all to himself, with his heels on the table. Moment after moment passed away; the litigants every now and then cast a glance in at the conscientious umpire; the procession was evidently approaching along the next street, and suddenly, the "opposite counsel" excusing themselves, walked off towards the corner. Drums, hurrahs, etc., now began to swell upon the air, and plaintiff and defendant, after sundry inquiries as to the chances, even marched off also, leaving the Squire and constable to receive the verdict. The constable next became impatient, and, finally, the Squire himself got the fidgets; each moment seemed an age, until the dubious twelfth was just asked if he was "going to take the whole day or not?" "Well, the fact is, Squire, the jury can't agree, no how. We're just hung, and no mistake; and, if you can't let us stag out, why you'd better discharge us, by | front of plaintiff's store before they were thunder!" The jury was discharged! J. M. FIELD ("Everpoint"). ANECDOTE OF GENERAL CASS. JOHN GUY bore a striking resemblance to General Lewis Cass, and while he was proprietor of the National Hotel, in Washington, the Michigan Senator was among his favored guests. Guy dressed like Cass, and although not as portly, his face, including the wart, was strangely similar. One day a Western friend of the house came in, after a long ride, dusty and tired, and walking up to the office, encountered General Cass, who was quietly standing there. Mistaking him for Guy, he slapped him on the shoulder, and exclaimed:" Well, old fellow, here I am; the last time I hung my hat up in your shanty, one of your clerks sent me to the fourth story; but now that I have got hold of you, I insist upon a lower room." The General, a most dignified person, taken aback by this startling salute, coldly replied: "You have committed a mistake, sir. I am not Mr. Guy; I am General Cass, of Michigan," and angrily turned away. The Western man was shocked at the unconscious mistake he had committed; but before he had recovered from his mortification, General Cass, who had passed around the office, confronted him again, when, a second time mistaking him for Guy, he faced him, and said: "Here you are, at last. I have just made a big mistake; I met old Cass, and took him for you, and I am afraid he has gone off mad." What General Cass would have said may be imagined, if the real Guy had not approached and rescued the innocent offender from the twice-assailed and twiceangered statesman. two quarters of beef, two hogs and taken away by the defendant. The witness under examination was a German, whose knowledge of the English language was very limited; but he testified in a very plain, straightforward way to having weighed the meat, and to having afterward carried it out and put it into the aforesaid wagon. Then the following ensued: Counsellor Enos-State to the jury how long it was after you took the meat from the store and put it into the wagon before it was taken away. Witness-Now I shoost can dell dat. I dinks 'bout dwelve feet. I not say nearer as dat. Counsel-You don't understand me. How long was it from the time the meat left the store and was put into the wagon before it was taken away by defendant? Witness-Now I know not what you ax dat for. Der vagon he was up mit der sidewalk, and dat's shoost so long as it vas. You tell me how long der sidewalk vas. Den feet? Dwelve feet? Den I tells you how long it vas. Counsel-I don't want to find out how wide the sidewalk was, but I want to know (speaking very slowly) how-long-this -meat-was-in-the-wagon-before it-was-taken-away. Witness-Oh! dat! Vell now, I not sold any meat so. I all time weigh him, dinks about dree feet. (Here the specnever measured meat, not yet. But I tators, and his honor, and the jury smiled audibly.) I know not, shentlemens, how is dis; I dell you all I can, so goot as I know. WADE AND GIDDINGS. IN "Bench and Bar," Mr. L. J. Bige sheep "remained in an express wagon in low tells this anecdote. Hon. Benjamin F. Wade, and the late Hon. Joshua R. | fellow-members were talking, and at Giddings used to be constant competitors length it got to be noised about that the at the bar in "old benighted Ashtabula," Hon. Mr.- was to make an elaborate their place of residence. In the early part speech before the committee. The ladies' of his practice, Wade was defending a gallery was filled with sweet inspirations, man against an action of slander, and, and the gentlemen's gallery did not lack after having concluded a very effective the many boots that make rapturous apspeech to the jury, sat awkwardly leaning plause. Those who had any objections to backward, his feet on the counsel table, the Indian bill stated them as concisely as and facing Giddings, who was attempting possible, and sat down so as to leave a to be eloquent in behalf of his slandered smooth and unclaimed floor for the orator client. "Old Gid," as he was familiarly of the evening. At length he arose, called, knew a little smattering of Shak- spreading out his manuscript before him speare, and now determined to bring that on his desk, and placing the glass of ice great author to his aid. water brought him by a page, within easy reach. He began by remarking on the rush of memories brought to mind in considering what evening it was on which they were then assembled, and then proceeded as follows: "Gentlemen of the jury," said he with ardor, "He that steals my purse, steals trash; But he that robs me of my good name(Ahem!) At this point, to his great discomfiture, Shakspeare deserted him. He repeated: "But he that robs me of my good name-" (Another pause.) "Takes that I never had," whispered Wade, as if prompting him, and so distinctly as to be heard by all in the room. Amid the laughter and his own confusion, Giddings brought his speech to such a "lame and impotent conclusion," that his client recovered but six and a quarter cents for his lost character. A GOOD LEGISLATIVE STORY. SPEAKING of the ayes and noes reminds us of a story which may not prove unacceptable to legislative ears. Mike Walsh, he who made it lively in the lower House several decades ago,-is the hero of it. One evening, the 21st of February, 184-, Mike occupied the chair in Committee of the Whole, while a bill was being considered having something to do with Indian affairs. The bill called out considerable debate, and prominent among those who proposed to make the discussion lengthy, was a green and gushing law-maker who embraced each and every occasion to give vent to his impassioned eloquence. On this Indian bill he evidently intended to spread himself. A roll of manuscript lay on his desk to which he frequently referred while his "Mr. Chairman and gentlemen, on this Washington's birthday eve, we who are assembled here for the good of our own special State, are forcibly reminded of the Father of his Country who fought, bled, and labored incessantly and with thorough devotion for the good of all the States." At this point in his remarks the fluent speaker was interrupted by hearty applause; he took advantage of it to moisten his lips with a little ice water, and then proceeded with a reference to the full length portrait of George Washington, which hung then as it hangs now, just behind the Speaker's chair. "Behold," said he, "that picture yonder, which stands a perpetual reminder of the virtues of patriotism, and self-sacrifice. O lips of our first president, speak to us now with some golden motto of duty! Nose, whose nostrils have breathed defiance at the enemies of the country. Eyes, whose lightning glances were so magnetic, we call for thee and the rest of that noble form to be potent in our presence now, and during all our session to The rest, residue and remainder of the sentence was not spoken, for at this point the chairman, Mike Walsh, brought down his gavel and announced, "The gentleman from is out of order in making the request he does. The ayes and noes cannot be called for in Committee of the Whole." Those who were present when Mike made that ruling will never forget the scene it provoked. Ladies' and gentlemen's galleries, the floor and the lobbies, broke into a roar and yell of laughter which could not be restrained under ten | quite a long time since we have enjoyed a minutes. The gushing law-maker did not glass together-let us take a drink all resume after this interruption, although round. Of course, Sterritt (addressing Mike very kindly said, "the gentleman the landlord), you have better liquor than from will proceed in order." He was you had the last time we were hereseized with a sudden attack of not feeling the stuff you had then was not fit to give very well and withdrew. His views on a dog!" that Indian bill were never known. GUILTY-BUT DRUNK. IT is a well-known fact that oftentimes both those jokes which are called "practical" and that liquor which is termed "bad," have been productive of exceedingly evil consequences; but whether the liquor or the joke has done the most mischief, we are not called upon just now to determine. We propose to make mention of an affair where bad liquor and a practical joke were productive of the very best consequences imaginable. Many years ago, while the State of Georgia was still in its infancy, an eccentric creature named Brown, was one of its Circuit Judges. He was a man of considerable ability, of inflexible integrity, and much beloved and respected by all the legal profession, but he had one common fault. His social qualities would lead him, despite his judgment, into frequent excesses. In travelling the Circuit, it was his almost invariable habit, the night before opening the Court, to get comfortably corned," by means of appliances common upon such occasions. If he couldn't succeed while operating upon his own hook, the members of the bar would generally turn in and help him. 66 Sterritt, who had charge of the house, pretended that every thing was right, and so they went to work. It is unnecessary to enlarge upon a drinking bout in a country tavern-it will quite answer our purpose to state that somewhere in the region of midnight the Judge wended his very devious way towards his temporary home. About the time he was leaving, however, some younger barristers, fond of a "practical," and not much afraid of the bench, transferred all the silver spoons of Sterritt to the Judge's coat pocket. It was eight o'clock on Monday morning that the Judge rose. Having indulged in the process of ablution and abstertion, and partaken of a cheerful and refreshing breakfast, he went to his room to prepare himself for the duties of the day. "Well, Polly," said he to his wife, "I feel much better than I expected to feel after that frolic of last night." "Ah, Judge," said she, reproachfully, 'you are getting too old-you ought to leave off that business." "Ah, Polly! what's the use of talking?" It was at this precise instant of time, that the Judge, having put on his overcoat, was proceeding, according to his usual custom, to give his wife a parting kiss, that he happened in thrusting his hand into his pocket, to lay hold of Sterritt's spoons. He jerked them out. With an expression of horror almost indescribable he exclaimed "My God! Polly!" It was in the spring of the year, taking his wife-a model of a woman in her way -in the old-fashioned, but strong" carryall," that he journeyed some forty miles, and reached a village where "Court" was to be opened next day. It was along in the evening of Sunday that he arrived at the place and took up quarters with a re-her-"I stole them!" lation of his "better half," by whom the presence of an official dignitary was considered a singular honor. After supper, Judge Brown strolled over to the only tavern in the town, where he found many old friends, called to the place, like himself, on important professional business, and who were properly glad to meet him. "Gentlemen," said the Judge, "'tis "What on earth's the matter, Judge?" "Just look at these spoons! "Dear me, where d'ye get them?" "Get them? Don't you see the initials on them?"-extending them towards "Stole them, Judge?" "My dear husband, it can't be possible! from whom?" "From Sterritt, over there; his name is on them." "Good heavens! how could it happen?" "I know very well, Polly-I was very drunk when I came home, wasn't I?" "Was I remarkably drunk when I got home, Mrs. Brown." Yes, Judge, drunk as a fool, and forty times as stupid.” "I thought so, said the Judge, dropping into a chair with extreme despondency"I knew it would come to that, at last. I have always thought that something bad would happen to me that I should do something very wrong-kill somebody in a moment of passion perhaps-but I never imagined that I could be mean enough to be guilty of deliberate larceny!" But, there must be some mistake, Judge?" "No mistake, Polly. I know very well how it all came about. That fellow, Sterritt, keeps the meanest sort of liquor, and always did-liquor mean enough to make a man do any sort of a mean thing. I have always said it was mean enough to make a man steal, and now I have a practical illustration of the fact!" and the poor old man burst into tears. 'Don't be a child," said his wife wiping away the tears, "go like a man, over to Sterritt; tell him it was a little bit of a frolic. Pass it off as a joke-go and open Court, and nobody will ever think of it again." A little of the soothing system operated upon the Judge, as such things usually do; his extreme mortification was finally subdued, and over to Sterritt's he went with a tolerable face. Of course, he had but little difficulty in settling with himfor aside from the fact that the Judge's integrity was unquestionable, he had an inkling of the joke that had been played. The Judge took his seat in Court; but it was observed that he was sad and melancholy, and that his mind frequently wandered from the business before him. There was a lack of the sense and intelligence that usually characterized his proceedings. Several days passed away, and the business of the Court was drawing towards a close, when one morning a rough-looking sort of a customer was arraigned on a charge of stealing. After the Clerk had read the indictment to him, he put the question: "Guilty, or not guilty?" "Guilty-but drunk," answered the prisoner. "What's that plea?" exclaimed the Judge, who was half dozing on the bench. "He pleads guilty, but says he was drunk," replied the clerk. "What's the charge against the man?" "He is indicted for grand larceny." "What's the case? "May it please your honor," said the prosecuting attorney, "the man is regularly indicted for stealing a large sum from the Columbus Hotel.' "He is, hey? and he pleads-" "He pleads guilty, but drunk!" The Judge was now fully aroused. "Guilty, but drunk! That is a most extraordinary plea. Young man, you are certain you were drunk?" "Yes, sir." "Where did you get your liquor?" "At Sterritt's." "Did you get none no where else?" "Not a drop, sir." "You got drunk on his liquor, and afterwards stole his money?" "Yes, sir." "Mr. Prosecutor," said the Judge, “do me the favor to enter a nolle prosequi in that man's case. That liquor of Sterritt's is mean enough to make a man do any thing dirty. I got drunk on it the other day my self, and stole all of Sterritt's spoons! Release the prisoner, Mr. Sheriff; I adjourn the Court." COL. BRADBury. RELATED TO THE JUDGE. JUDGE B- late one of the judges of the Eighth District of the State of New York, was a most amiable man, whose honor was unsullied, and who hated a mean action as every such character must. At the General Circuit he was hearing an action in which one of the parties happened to be a namesake of his. During the trial, the party, having an opportunity, and thinking probably to gain some advantage by it, approached the judge and said: "We are of the same name, judge. I've been making inquiries, and find we are some relation to each other." "Ah!" said the judge, "is that so? Are you sure of it?" "Oh yes," said he, "no doubt of it." |