"Di tanti palpiti ;" or to "Di pia bang mi balza bang:" it is enough to make a man commit suicide. HavHaving entered fully into the contemplation of this evil, just conceive it, reader, at the end of some forty minutes, melting into distance, and your aching head left free to receive the varied attack of a debutant from a garret window, beginning to learn the bugle!! It might reconcile even Swift himself to deafness! Not all the alphabets in the world could express the horrible combinations of sound attendant on this truculent massacre of Guido of Arezzo. Astolpho's horn is a faint and insufficient type of the stupifying blast, Well, you will scarcely have gotten rid of this plague, when you will be beset by a scoundrel performing your favourite melody on a barrel organ, in which, if there is one note more out of tune than all the rest, it is that on which there is a long pause, to bring you back to the ritornelle. The filing of a saw is gracious to that scream. Then succeeds an itinerant clarionet, squeaking out the mutilated remains of a Scotch reel; or, worse than all, some Highland Orpheus of a bagpiper, whose accursed pibroch would of itself suffice to batter down the walls of another Jericho, or relieve the moon from the pangs of an eclipse, After such instrumental nuisances, it may appear to smack of the bathos to dwell upon vocal misdoings; but how shall I pass over the deep, hoarse, bass of the sham sailor roaring Cease, rude Boreas," and telling in unearthly sounds how "his precious sight" was electrified out of his eyes in a West India thunder-storm, or carried away by the wind of a cannon-ball? What think you also of a French ballad-singer, with a voice like a penny trumpet, and as tunable" as a pig in a gale, or a hog in a high wind," chanting "La garde nationale," or "C'est l'amour;" or of that other pious nuisance, the woman who lays siege to your halfpence, by drawling out a never-ending repetition of the hundred and fourth Psalm. To add, however, to the charm, these delectable strains are from time to time crossed by the competing vociferations of two rival mackerel-venders, screaming like emulous parrots from the opposite sides of the street. Then at night you are indulged by a trio of watchmen crying the hour concur rently in C natural, C sharp, and E flat, and showing how little concert there is in their efforts to preserve the peace. when This last insult on our ears is the more forcibly impressed upon my memory, because a very professor of music, who is rather choleric, and who, moreover, bad served Napoleon in the wars, w walking home with me one night from the opera, was so worked upon by the discord, that he actually knocked down the untunely Charley nearest at hand to teach him counter-point. This fantasia of the enraged musician brought us both to the watch-house till we could get bail; and the next morning Sir R. Birnie read us a most luminous lecture on the moral difference between beating time and beating the time-keeper. Thus brought to the bar for an odd crotchet, after having lost our rest, we were forced, after a distressing pause, to conclude the broken (headed) cadence, by sliding a few notes into the hand of the guardian of the night, whom we had rendered too flat, but who, being now the dominant, allowed us to resolve the discord, and so get back to the key, which was no longer turned upon us. THE MOSS ROSE. AN angel of the flow'rs one day, The angel whisper'd to the rose, Still fairest found where all are fair, Then said the rose, with deepen'd glow, "Twas but a moment-o'er the rose THE HAJJI BABA IN ENGLAND.* HE work before us-the second series of Hajji Baba's adventures, by Mr. Morier, has some faults (and some merits) which the first production had not: but, on the whole, it is very amusingly written. There can scarcely be said to be any plot about it, in the sense in which that term is used by novelists, but a constant source of excitement is kept up by the shifting of the characters even if they be such as take no great hold upon us-into new and singular situations: and, without becoming subject to that sort of novelistic lien which arises out of a care for the individuals before us, we have a running curiosity to see what, in particular positions, particular people will think and do. The work sets out with the nomination of Hajji Baba, as appointed and peculiar officer of the Persian shah, to select and take up in the provinces of his master's empire, a collection of presents which are to accompany an embassy to the king of England. These gifts are to consist (as becomes the honour of the shah and the purpose of the embassy) of the choicest specimens of art and splendour that Persia can afford, and especially of such matters as are likely to be acceptable to the illustrious monarch for whose use they are designed. Horses, slaves of all descriptions, and an eunuch dwarf, are among the gifts. These presents, according to Persian etiquette, previous to their transmission to Frangistan, are submitted to the inspection of the English ambassador resident at the court of the shah; and immense surprise is creat ed when that officer suggests that "the slaves will none of them be ac ceptable." The objection to the eunuch dwarf, and the statement that the King of England does not lock up his wife-and moreover that he has but one, creates a burst of merriment and incredulity through the court, "La illahah illallah!" cries the vizier- astonished even into forgetfulness of the place in which he stands-" only one wife? Suppose he gets tired of her, what then?" The delight, however, expressed at the gift of the horses, somewhat covers these disappointments. The English ambassador is luckily "no great judge; and, therefore, the animals which a Persian would most likely have rejected, he accepts with joy." "With a warning to learn all the languages of Frangistan, to express no surprise at any thing which they may hear or see, and to do every thing in England for the shah's honour, that his face may be white in the eyes of the infidels ;" the mission, accompanied by a young Englishman, who is to act as interpreter, quits Ispahan on its way to St. James's. The chief ambassador from Persia, Mirza Firouz, is by no means devoted to the task assigned him. In fact, he receives the honour at the suggestion of a vizier, who is jealous of his favour with the sultan, and thinks it advisable to get him out of the way. Hajji Baba, whose fortune it is to be protected by the jealous vizier, (and who goes to England as secretary of the embassy") therefore stands in no great odour in the nostrils of his superior officer. 66 *The Adventures of Hajji Baba in England, 2 vols. 12mo., Murray, London. 1828. 50 ATHENEUM, VOL. 9, 2d scries. was done in honour of his excellency, and was the acknowledged mode in England of treating persons of distinction. May your shadow never be less!' rejoined the ambassador. 1 am very sensible of the honour,' at the same time thrusting his fingers into his ears; and I assure you that this mark of distinction will leave a lasting impression upon me. But what is the use of discharging so many cannon, and wasting so much precious gunpowder? You have fired away more powder than our shah did at the celebrated siege of Tus, when, with three balls and one cannon, he discomfited a host of Yuzbegs, and kept the whole of their kingdom in fear of his power for ever after.' "The captain then brought his naibs, or lieutenants and officers, introducing them to the ambassador, and, among the number, he specially presented a doctor, who was enjoin moreover, led a Frank priest before us, who was the only living sign we had yet seen of religion amongst infidels-for never had we seen one of them even stand still and pray. "We had reached the frigate all but about one maidan, when, wonderful to behold, at the sound of a shrill whistle, out jumped hundreds of what we took to be rope-dancers; for none but the celebrated Kheez-ed to take care of our health. He, Ali of Shiraz, inimitable throughout Asia for his feats on the tight rope, could have done what they did. They appeared to balance themselves in rows upon ropes scarcely perceptible to the eye, ascending higher and higher in graduated lines, until on the very tip-top of the mast stood, what we imagined to be either a gin or a dive, for nothing mortal surely ever attempted such a feat. We had no sooner reached the deck, whither we had all been whisked up (the blessed Ali best knows how), than instantly such discharges of cannon took place, that, with excess of amazement, our livers turned into water, and our brains were dried up. "In the name of Allah !' exclaimed the elchi, what does this mean? Is this hell? or is it meant for heaven? What news are arrived?' All this he was exclaiming, whilst the captain, standing before him, made low bows, and seemed to claim his admiration. And it was only when the firing had ceased, and that our ears had somewhat recovered the shocks they had received, that the mehmander stepped up and said, this "One of the men was a son of the road, as the wandering Arabs say, a traveller. He was evidently a person of experience; for his hair was white, which he might have kept from the gaze of the world had he always worn a turban or head-dress, according to our Eastern fashion. The account which he gave of himself was to us incomprehensible; for it seems he was travelling about the world, at his own expense, for a Frank king, to collect birds, beasts, and fishes, which, as fast as he caught, he stuffed. The moment he perceived us, he eyed us from head to foot, as if he were inspecting horses or camels; and his curiosity was afterwards explained by the knowledge we acquired of his pursuits;-it was evident that, looking upon us as foreign animals, he longed to kill and to stuff us." The most admirable affair of all, however, seems to the Orientals to 1 be, the seeing the "idle young men wrought wood was raised a canopy of rich stuffs, from which were suspended curtains as ample as those which screen the great hall of Tehran. The seat was overlaid with the softest and most luxuriant mattresses; and pillows to recline upon were raised, one above the other, in heaps. Allah! there is but one Allah' exclaimed Mirza Firouz; 'I am in a state of amazement. eat dirt is one thing, but to eat it af ter this fashion is another !'” on board the ship" [the midshipmen] appear all at noon, each with an "astrolabe" [a quadrant] in his hands! To see boys handling this instrument of wisdom, and apparently with a purpose to ascertain if the heavens are propitious to the voyage, excites an inexpressible wonder on the part of the ambassador! and having contemplated the exhibition of a little rhubarb on that day, he sends a message, to know from the Frank soothsayers, whether the time is propitious for taking physic. In the mean time the whole party apply themselves diligently to the study of all European peculiarities, and especially of the English language; and, after the chief ambassador has nearly cut off one finger in learning to use the knife at dinner, and Hajji Baba nearly committed a greater mischance, by running his fork into his eye; with no farther calamities than these, the ship reaches the English coast in safety, and the embassy is disembarked at Plymouth : "What was our astonishment, when we alighted at the door of a house, at the gate of which stood several denominations of Franks, without their bats, and two or three women unveiled, all ready to receive us, and who, placing themselves in a sort of procession, preceded the ambassador until they reached a room, fitted up with looking-glasses, and surrounded by many contrivances, too numerous now to mention. The mehmander then told us, that this was to be our habitation for the present; and added, that, whenever we wanted any thing, we had only to pull a string pendant from the wall, when slaves, ready to obey our orders, would appear, quicker than ever the gins did to Aladin. "The shah's throne, on which he sits to administer justice, and to make the extremities of the world tremble, was not more magnificent than the bed intended for the ambassador. It must have been constructed upon the famous peacock throne of the Moguls. Upon four pillars of curiously 6 To The dinner at the caravanserai delights the travellers even more than that on board ship. Their satisfaction at the appearance of so much plate, glass, china, &c. is at first unbounded; but is afterwards a little abated by the production of that nuisance which, the Persian historian observes," meets strangers, go where they will in England-a bit of paper, covered with h eroglyphics, calledthe bill!" After a few hours, the novelty being over, the time at the inn begins to hang somewhat heavy on the hands of the strangers, but is relieved by the "diversion of pulling the strings which hang near the fireplace, to try whether such a ceremony will actually produce the appearance of the slaves, or servants, of the caravanserai:" and "sure enough they came," says the Hajji, "and tired enough they seemed to be; till, at length, our pulling had no farther effect; and the charm we supposed was broken by our too frequent repetition." The embassy then proceeds to London, where the ambassador finds himself much disgusted on account of the little respect shown to him both on the road and on his arrival. The arrangements of the Frank houses, too, when they reach the capital, the whole party find to be, in many points, inconvenient : "We passed the first night very ill. Each of us had a bed, the curtains of which were so pretty, that we longed to cut them up for alcoloks, or to bind them round our waists; but we were unaccustomed to their heavy coverings, and found, after we had been a short time under them, that our coat and trowsers became disagreeably oppressive. The whole household was on the stir long before the Franks thought of moving; but Mohamed Beg was much puzzled about the true hour for saying his morning prayer, for we heard no muezzins to announce it from the mosques; and, besides, the nights were so much longer than any we had been accustomed to, that we had almost settled amongst ourselves that the sun never rose in this ill-conditioned city. We had walked about the house for several hours almost in total darkness, and were in despair waiting for the dawn, when at length we heard noises in the streets, indicating that the inhabitants were awake. During the whole night, at intervals, we had watched the cries of what were evidently guards of the night, who, like the keshekchis, on the walls of the Ark, announce that all is right; but those we now heard were quite different. At first, we thought they might be muezzins, appointed to cry out the Frangi azan, the invitation to the inhabitants to arise and pray; and, indeed, looking at them through the twilight, we were confirmed in our idea; for they were dressed in black, as all the English men of God are; but we were evidently mistaken; because, although they uttered their cry in a variety of loud, shrill tones, yet still no one seemed to rise a moment the sooner, or to have the least idea of praying on their account. And still we were uncertain; but, when the day had completely broken, Mohamed Beg came running in, in great joy, exclaiming, Muezzin! muezzin and, pointing to the top of one of the minars which are seen on all the houses, we there saw one of these street clergymen, crying out his profession of faith with all his might." The visit of the minister for foreign affairs to the embassy takes place so unexpectedly, that nothing but "sweet and bitter coffee" can be prepared for that officer's reception: "the first of which," the Persians observe with surprise, "he scarcely tastes," and that he "makes faces at the latter." It is resolved, however, having due notice to give the prime minister, on his visit, a formal entertainment : "Hassan, the cook, was ordered to exercise all his talent, and to dress a breakfast, which would at once show his art, and give a specimen of our national luxuries. "The prime vizier was a dervish in appearance, so mild, so kind, that we marvelled how the affairs of this great country could be directed by him. "A very handsome breakfast was served up to him, but which, strange to say, did not seem to his taste. The ambassador helped him to the choicest bits with his own fingers; he even put his hand into the same mess of rice with him, and gave him his own spoon to drink sherbet with; but he could not be prevailed upon to make the most of the good things before him. We tried him with some gezenjibin, which he scrupu lously examined; but when Hashim, the footman, had dexterously broken it with his hands, and blown the dust from it with his mouth, he did not seem inclined to carry his curiosity farther. "Surely, said we, 'this infidel cannot affect to think us impure, that he does not choose to taste our food; he, who will not scruple to eat swine's flesh, and to drink of the forbidden wine ?-and this, too, when our am, bassador has laid by his own scruples, has shut his ears to the commands of our holy Prophet, and has treated the Frank as if he were a true believer.' We found that we had still much to learn concerning this extraordinary people." The whole of the second volume is occupied with the adventures of the Persians in London; and a love adventure which befals Hajji Baba, in a family the name of which is Hogg-a family, as he designates them, "of the unclean beast!" and the card of invitation which he writes to admit his friends to one of the |